Billing on Mobile

By our Technology Correspondent - Dickie Siskin.

1 April 2009: Following the recent frenzy caused by recent announcements of LTE network technology and App Store, the mobile industry continues to push the technology boundaries with an announcement that looks set to revolutionise the mobile payments industry.

A new form of fast and reliable mobile payments has been launched today by SMS Aggregators. Known technically as PSMS, the new Pigeon Send Money Service uses the innate response of advanced homing pigeons to get the payment from the user’s phone back to the operator much faster than previous methods.

“The system is very simple to use,” explained Mike Thrush from the MPA (Mobile Pigeon Association). “The user selects the content on their mobile phone and then chooses how to pay. When they select PSMS, they simply locate the nearest pigeon and put the money in the conveniently located strap attached to the left leg. Once released, the pigeon will fly direct to Newbury, Hatfield, Slough or Paddington depending on the colour of the strap. At each mobile operator headquarters there are teams of collectors who empty the money twice a day.”

A Vodaflown spokesman, Al Grebe said: “We have installed thousands of new roosting spots at Newbury to make sure we can cope with demand. Each day our collectors take the money from each pigeon and assign it to the correct MSISDN (Mobile Subscriber Individual Sparrow Debit Number). During the trials they have collected a few eggs as well, so there is a real bonus to this.”

Under the new scheme called FlockToit, there will be very strict rules about how the pigeon must present itself to the consumer and it is not yet clear if they will have to display information about terms and conditions or bird-seed charges. “We are looking into printing this information straight onto the feathers using the latest non-toxic inkjet technology.” said FlockToit spokesman Steve Pipits from Oriole in Paddington.

Andrew Bird from mFlocks, one of the first AFIs (Accredited FlockToit Intermediaries) said: “This is a great step forward in P-Commerce as our customers have been demanding higher reliability than the old systems we used to use.” He added that the development continues on this exciting new initiative: “We are looking to use the other leg to carry the payment for data charges, as it is best to separate these from content charges.”

There have been a few teething troubles during trials, but a spokesman from Jay Mobile, Robin Dent told us: “We have lost a few birds due to over zealous hunters and these pigeons become known as uncollectables.” Stephen, a hunter living in the country near Newbury said in defence of the shooting fraternity that: “It’s very hard to tell a P-SMS from an ordinary pigeon; perhaps they should try rabbits instead.”

If you haven’t guessed already, you’ve been April Fooled!

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